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Julie Elizabeth's LiveJournal:
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| Monday, April 2nd, 2007 | | 10:19 am |
*I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on...*
Julie, Your emotions may be highly stressed today, yet others aren't privy to your inner workings. You might have to hold back some of your love and affection as you reevaluate your intimate relationships. This is a sobering time, but it's really just preparing you for what's around the corner. Many people couldn't suppress this much intensity, but it's just one way for you Scorpios to know that you are fully alive. I know I'm a strong person, but I'm not sure if I'm prepared for "what's around the corner." There's only so much heart-break that a girl can take. I guess we'll see... ...my heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with... Current Mood:  worried | | Thursday, March 29th, 2007 | | 8:25 am |
*To the many men that I have loved...*
This isn't to or about YOU. And it's not to or about HIM. But everything that I have to say is all bottled up inside and just waiting to be released. And I can't say it as eloquently as some. And I don't have the time. This is all that's left to say. I'm really not as bitter as it sounds. I promise. But I'm tired of fighting, so let it be. I guess there really isn't anything left to say. I know I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm the one who trusted you, and opened up to you. And that was my mistake. I'm not a cynic, but I should have known better than to trust and believe anything that you said. Funny how that one line applies to so many people. Current Mood:  drained | | Wednesday, March 14th, 2007 | | 9:29 am |
*Even amidst fierce flames the golden lotus can be planted*
Tea leaves thwart those who court catastrophe, designing futures where nothing will occur: cross the gypsy’s palm and yawning she will still predict no perils left to conquer. Jeopardy is jejune now: naïve knight finds ogres out-of-date and dragons unheard of, while blasé princesses indict tilts at terror as downright absurd. The beast in Jamesian grove will never jump, compelling hero’s dull career to crisis; and when insouciant angels play God’s trump, while bored arena crowds for once look eager, hoping toward havoc, neither pleas nor prizes shall coax from doom’s blank door lady or tiger. Current Mood:  gettin' things done | | Thursday, January 25th, 2007 | | 8:24 am |
*I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song...*
Julie, Something has started to shift and you may feel your strength and other super powers returning. You have tremendous resolve, but acting on your decision can still take additional time. You have been under a lot of stress, but rest assured that you have already turned the corner. This is fantastic news. I am in desperate need of my super powers, and I feel like I have been without them for a long time. School is going really well right now. That'll happen when you're only taking one class and it's an independant study and the professor rocks! It's good though because lately I have wanted to physically hurt people. Hopefully that will go away soon. Dinner tonight with Kristin. Yay! No meeting with my professor like I was supposed to. Also YAY! I have Saturday off. I am going to lay around and do nothing. That's all. | | Thursday, January 18th, 2007 | | 8:34 am |
*Deadly when she frowns, silent in the crowd...*
Julie, Even if you can feel resistance coming from others, you must take some of the responsibility for what's happening. Your destiny is in your own hands; whatever situation you created you can unmake. But it will take a real commitment, along with enough courage to engage in a difficult conversation. Bringing someone into your confidence can be just the catalyst you need. I don't even know what to say about this right now. More to come later? Maybe? Current Mood:  sick | | Wednesday, January 17th, 2007 | | 8:11 am |
*I need your grace to remind me to find my own...*
Julie, Paradoxically, words can speak louder than actions today with your ruling planet, Mars -- along with the Sun and the Moon -- in your 3rd House of Communication. However, it is crucial that you stay completely focused on the integrity of your actions, making certain they are consistent with your thoughts or you will find yourself in a rather difficult position. The emphasis is on your hard work, so just buckle down and do what must be done. *** I'm trying... *** Current Mood:  confused | | Friday, January 12th, 2007 | | 12:52 am |
| | Tuesday, January 9th, 2007 | | 9:13 am |
*She works hard for the money, so hard for the money...*
Julie, Your two key planets -- Mars and Pluto -- are receiving support from the Moon today, symbolizing a practical balance between your chosen profession and your pocketbook. In other words, money issues may not be your greatest concern these days. So, shift your attention to your own ongoing personal transformation. The more emotional baggage you can consciously eliminate now, the easier it will be for you to climb the next hill. Ha. Haha. Emotional baggage. Funny. I hate emotional baggage. Buh. Today is the day that I will die. Either that or today is that day that I find out what I'm really made of. And if I don't die I will be very proud of myself. Here is my schedule (for those of you who are interested): LB 330am-8am (inventory) MPSC 830am-230pm LB 3pm-11pm And I get to do it all on 2 hours sleep. But you know what? It's not too bad so far. And I am the one doing this to myself. And I am the one who put myself in debt, so it's my responsibility to get myself out. And no one can help me with that but me. And bla bla bla. It sure would be nice if someone would come along and say 'Hey, how about we pay for you to go to grad school?' Again, Ha. Haha. Not happening. But a girl can hope, right? I'm not usually one to make New Years resolutions, mainly because I never keep them anyway, but this year I did. It's not necessarily a resolution, but more of a goal, or a work in progress. I will be debt free by the end of the year. Now, to most people, this may not seem like a big thing. But for me, "debt free" includes my upcoming grad school expenses. So I may have bitten off a bit more than I can chew with this one, but I think I'm up to the challenge. I might have to get another job since I will surely be fired from LB within a few weeks, but it'll all work out. I hope? Speaking of grad school. I should really get my ass in gear and work on that whole mess. I am meeting with my Independant Study Prof. on Wednesday to set up the reading and assignment schedule. I'm pretty stoked. She seems super cool and the workload seems reasonable. I am a bit concerned about not being able to take Gordon's Indep. Study, but maybe he will let me do one next semester, like over the summer or something when I'm taking Spanish. I had to choose between new cool chic and Gordon, and I chose new cool chic because if everything goes well she could be my fourth letter of rec. for grad school. Which I desperately need now that Deanne's boyfriend moved away, and I don't think he ever really liked me that much anyway. But this chic does. So I'm set there. Maybe? | | Thursday, December 28th, 2006 | | 12:15 pm |
*Pull myself back together just to fall once more...*
Julie, The dreariest part of the day may be dealing with all the little details that have previously escaped your probing eye. Now you must tie up loose ends, even if you are on to something new in your mind. Use your natural inclination for intensity to focus all your energy on cleaning up the past before moving into the future. Things do indeed appear to be going my way lately. That's not to say that I haven't had stress in my life, because I have, and plenty of it! But I am generally happy at the moment. Yay for happiness! Current Mood:  happy | | Sunday, December 24th, 2006 | | 12:25 pm |
What I've lost I can never get back, And what you've taken can never be replaced. There is anger deep within me, And hatred is consuming my soul. I hope you realize what you've done to me. I hope you understand the hurt you have inflicted upon me. I hope you are satisfied. I hope I can forget it. I know I can't. Current Mood:  contemplative | | Wednesday, December 20th, 2006 | | 10:47 am |
*So when you go solo you hold your own hand and remember that depth is the greatest of heights...*
I have never been one to give advice to people, mainly because I know that generally nobody wants your advice, or if they do ask for it they usually don't follow it. Even when asked I try to keep my opinions to myself and just be indifferent. I have a problem when those same people seem to think that they have all the answers to my life - especially when I didn't ask the question. I don't need help. Well maybe I do, but I won't be asking for it. I know I can handle things. I know what I'm doing - not really but I'll figure it out as I go. If I fail, which I hope to God I won't but realistically most likely will, then that's something that I will deal with when the time comes. I have failed at things before and it didn't kill me; this won't either. I hope. Who are you to judge me? I haven't asked for you help or your opinions and commentary. So please keep them to yourself. Thank you. | | Saturday, December 16th, 2006 | | 11:37 pm |
*Nyquil, so you can sleep better medicine...*
And just when you think things can't get any worse... 1. You find out you can't start your super-sweet new job. 2. You get strep throat, the flu, and a double ear infection, all at the same time. 3. You try to call in to work and they give you a bunch of shit and try to make you come in anyway. 4. You realize there's no diet coke in the house, when that's really the only thing that you want right now. 5. You're sicker than shit and can't sleep, even though the doctor said that would help the most. But then, right before you give up hope... 1. You get a call from your super-sweet new job saying you can start after all, there's just a minor drawback. 2. Your doctor prescribes great drugs that make you feel much better after only 2 days. And he was hot! 3. Your hot doctor wrote you a note saying that you don't have to go to work. And so you don't. 4. You find a diet coke, and even though it's warm, and there's no ice, it's still fantastic! 5. You're still sicker than shit and can't sleep, but 4 out of 5 aint so bad. Current Mood: sick | | Tuesday, December 12th, 2006 | | 11:46 pm |
*Then I see you reach for me...*
I don't remember what day it was I didn't notice what time it was All I know is that I fell in love with you And if all my dreams come true I'll be spending time with you Every day's a new day in love with you With each day comes a new way of loving you Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wonder And if all my dreams come true I'll be spending time with you Oh I love you more today than yesterday But not as much as tomorrow Oh I love you more today than yesterday But darling not as much as tomorrow Tomorrow makes each springtime just a day away Cupid we don't need you now be on your way I thank the Lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger And I always will be true I'll be spending time with you Oh I love you more today than yesterday But not as much as tomorrow Oh I love you more today than yesterday But darling not as much as tomorrow Every day's a new day, every time I love ya Every time's a new way, every time I love ya... very day's a new day, every time I love ya Every time's a new way, every time I love ya... Every time i love ya... Current Mood:  loved | | Friday, December 8th, 2006 | | 2:18 pm |
*And I said, Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew...*
For those of you who are wondering, this is a re-posting of a previous entry. It still seems pretty relevent. Which makes me sad. It was posted months ago. How sad that the same person would still have such an effect on me. That makes him powerful and it makes me dumb. But this is my goodbye. Don't let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out! I hate the way you make me feel. I hate the way you make me feel like I’m not good enough. I hate the way you make me feel like I’m not special enough. I hate the way you make me feel like I’m not pretty enough. I hate the way you make me feel like I’m not thin enough. I hate the way you make me feel like I’m not enough. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate the way I feel when I’m around you. I hate the way I cry when you’re not around. I hate the way you affect me. I hate the way you don’t even realize what you do. I hate the way I wasted my time on you. Current Mood: curious and contemplative | | Thursday, December 7th, 2006 | | 6:31 pm |
*I knew it was over long before it began...*
I wish I didn't make so many bad decisions - But I am learning, so I guess it's not that bad. I wish boys didn't lie - But then I wouldn't know how to appreciate the one who doesn't. I wish my life weren't such a HUGE fucking mess right now - But I am working on fixing it. I wish I didn't care - But I do, and while that may be my biggest downfall it's also one of the reasons you love me. Current Mood:  wishing things were different | | Tuesday, November 21st, 2006 | | 12:11 am |
*In my voice there is contempt, and in my heart, hate...*
I hate you. You suck big time. You're a stupidbitchcunt. I want to dig out your eyes with a spork. I hope that you rot in the hell which you have made my life. Soon, I will be leaving you forever. And you will then realize how great you had it, back when I was there to be walked all over. I am standing up for myself, and finally leaving you. The End. Current Mood:  almost free | | Monday, November 20th, 2006 | | 12:17 am |
*It's not there now... ineloquence and anger are all we have...*
You disgust me. I have never met a more selfish and cold-hearted person in my entire life. I can't even look at you anymore. I thought I could handle this, but I was wrong. I don't know what to do. You're not the person that I thought you were. I gave you so much more credit than you ever deserved. I will never see you the same. I would give anything to feel what you did. Maybe it's jealousy. Maybe it's just disappointment. 23 weeks. 161 days. 3,864 hours. 231,840 minutes. A lifetime. Current Mood:  numb | | Tuesday, November 14th, 2006 | | 12:11 am |
*This ruined puzzle is beige with the pieces all face down...*
I believe in the right to choose. But how can you make that choice with no feeling - a snap decision. I know you are in control. I know it's your life, and your choice, and your right. But it's also someone else's life, and someone else's right. I've never been one to judge. Not you, or anyone else. They say 'Try not to make the same mistake twice.' You've made it three times. Maybe more. I try not to judge you. I will always love you. But I no longer respect you. Current Mood:  hurt, disappointed, and angry | | Sunday, October 29th, 2006 | | 10:38 pm |
*My birthday wishes...*
I haven't updated in so long. I wish I had the time to post on a regular basis. Halloween is coming up. It's my favorite holiday ever! And I have to work. At the job I hate more than anything. I wish I had another job, one that was fun and I loved, so I could quit and leave it all behind. I'm supposed to be applying to graduate school soon. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to afford to go. I wish I had a scholarship to pay for it. My room, and pretty much the rest of my house as well, is one HUGE mess! I wish I had the time to clean it all up. I have so many things that I want to say, to so many people, but mostly just to him. I wish I had the courage to say it all. I wish I had a loving and supportive family, really great friends, and happiness and love in my life. Oh wait, I do. I guess all my other wishes just pale in comparison... I have everything that matters. | | Wednesday, September 6th, 2006 | | 10:09 pm |
*There's nothing good about goodbye...*
I can't imgaine that it is ever easy to lose a loved one. And I know that sometimes, like when the battle with a terrible disease has finally been lost, it makes it a little bit easier to deal with, knowing that they are in a better place and no longer suffering. However, in my humble opinion... it still sucks, no matter what. I know it sounds dumb and strange and borderline unbelievable, but I knew the moment that she died. I could feel it, in my body, with everything that I am. Out of nowhere, this incredible sense of grief and loss washed over me, and I thought about you. I never think about you anymore. But now I can't stop. It's not often that I dwell on the past, but now I can't stop wishing that things had been different. Turned out differently for the both of us. I want to reach out and help, but I can't. I wish I could just be with you, the way it used to be, without the awkwardness, and just be there for you. I hope somehow you know that I am, always have been, and always will be here for you. I know at one time we were so connected that you could feel what I was feeling and see what I was thinking. I hope that you still have the power to do so. I want to say something, anything, to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this most difficult time, but I know that if it were me, there would be nothing that anyone could ever say that would make the pain go away. And so, because of that, I'll write it here. Knowing you'll never see it, and I'll keep it to myself. And tonight I'll include the rest of your family in my prayers, just like I've been including you for the past countless nights. And I hope that will be enough. Because whether we like it or not, it has to be. Current Mood: grieving for the greatest loss |
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